This journey is incredibly humbling for me.

From being wounded and not knowing which way is up and wondering whether or not i could be ALIVE or not and at the same time, finding new MEANING in my new life in this FOREIGN place.....It's been an AMAZING journey

I am a daughter, sister, dog-owner and friend.

Currently, i am learning to train my mind and body. I want to hold my body, challenge my physical ability to a level i could never imagine.

I definitely have learn to stop letting these people who do so little for me in my life but control so much of my mind, feeling and emotions.

Learning to let them go from my life is definitely one of the best achievement i ever done to myself.

Goodbye my friends.... Hope when we meet again, we are once strangers again.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Part 4 - The girl needs help.....

In any normal circumstances, who wants to even befriend with psychopath. What some more want to be close with one? Plus who wants to mingle with moody brat like the girl.

Another thing the girl've learned is she does not own friends. And she has no control over her friends. The girl needs to change her way of thinking instead of the situation.

Right at the moment, the girl is filled with multiple emotions.

Sad because situation has changed.

Reluctant to let go of the closeness she bonded with her newly found friends.

Upset with herself for being such a pain.

Angry with herself for not able to control her distorted thoughts.

Disappointed with herself for not being able to conquer her emotions.

Clueless about the next step. Should the girl let go this friendship?

Lonely because she is doing this on her own.

Guilty towards her friends because these people are not suppose to be involved or affected because of the girl.

The girl is lost.

She knew she needs help. But not any ordinary help. The girl needs emotional help cause the girl knew what to do already. But, she feels weak and lonely to go through this alone.

But it seemed tall one, thin one and good friend did not know how to handle her. And the girl also did not know how to tell them because the girl felt ridiculous too.

One fine day, the cat city one told the girl to channel all of her yearning for help and attention from the tall one, thin one and good friend to her.

Cat city one messaged the girl 24/7 to check out of the girl...

Cat city one greeted her every morning, asked her how is she feeling, any episode of down moments, how did she handled it, assured the girl that it is fine if she failed to conquer her down mood,

Cat city one make sure the girl ate every meal, checked out her day at work, and checked out the girl before she sleeps.

Cat city one also updated her days with the girl, her moods, her works and even her meals.

The girl felt appreciated. At least cat city one knew how to handle the girl.

Kudat Jie Jie and soft spoken Jie Jie are checking out on the girl. Soft spoken jie jie guided the girl on how to conquer distorted thoughts. Kudat Jie Jie supported her during CBT for her distorted thoughts. She always encouraged the girl do not give up every time the girl failed to confront the distorted thoughts and breakdown. Kudat Jie Jie assured the girl that is fine to fail to conquer her thoughts, most important she has insights in what is happening now.

The girl is lucky.

Angels come down and guide her. Cat city one and Kudat Jie Jie are the guardian.

Although the girl is still yearning for more concern from them, the girl knew she cannot be greedy. She is asking too much especially what she has done to her sister. That is why the girl remained silence.

Damage has done. The girl should take this as Karma.

Other people have right to walk in your life, they also have a right to walk out from your life.

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