This journey is incredibly humbling for me.

From being wounded and not knowing which way is up and wondering whether or not i could be ALIVE or not and at the same time, finding new MEANING in my new life in this FOREIGN place.....It's been an AMAZING journey

I am a daughter, sister, dog-owner and friend.

Currently, i am learning to train my mind and body. I want to hold my body, challenge my physical ability to a level i could never imagine.

I definitely have learn to stop letting these people who do so little for me in my life but control so much of my mind, feeling and emotions.

Learning to let them go from my life is definitely one of the best achievement i ever done to myself.

Goodbye my friends.... Hope when we meet again, we are once strangers again.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Close yet Strangers.....

I know she is trying her best to bond with me.

She asked me out for movie but I declined.

She asked me out for shopping for her shoes but I declined.

As medical staff who read about bipolar, I understand about her condition and also the manifestation of the disorder. I know she is having difficult time to control her mood and herself.

I am tired. I am depressed. I am disappointed.

I am tired to be the support for her.

I am depressed and I lost my bubbly self.

I am disappointed with myself because I allowed myself to be depressed.

But at the same time, I feel guilty because I have to show her I am tired to support her anymore.

I know I am asking for too much.

I want her to be better but I cannot give her what she wants.

I know she always wants us to be close but I cannot.

Is very difficult to tell her and my parents that currently I am having my own issues to settle. And I am hanging on to it. I also have to depend on my friends for emotional support to climb up back.

As much as she is affecting me, I believe I'm affecting her as well. Thus, I called it even.

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