This journey is incredibly humbling for me.

From being wounded and not knowing which way is up and wondering whether or not i could be ALIVE or not and at the same time, finding new MEANING in my new life in this FOREIGN place.....It's been an AMAZING journey

I am a daughter, sister, dog-owner and friend.

Currently, i am learning to train my mind and body. I want to hold my body, challenge my physical ability to a level i could never imagine.

I definitely have learn to stop letting these people who do so little for me in my life but control so much of my mind, feeling and emotions.

Learning to let them go from my life is definitely one of the best achievement i ever done to myself.

Goodbye my friends.... Hope when we meet again, we are once strangers again.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Part 3 - Nightmare repeating.... repeating... repeating....

The girl returned to concrete jungle. But she forgot that she will turn into bitter girl again once she steps her foot into the house. She forgot but she always knew that she and her sister cannot stay in the same house together. She forgot she will turn weak if she ever stays with her sister in the same house.

She forgot everything till recently.

The girl returned home.

She worked with a torturous empress, who scolded her every other day till the empress found that after all this girl did not deserve the scolding anymore.

Everyday she returned home and looked at the four wall.

She hated her workplace.

She did not perform her best at what she does the best as movement doctor.

She was bored and clueless.

She lost her best companion to old age.

She lost her sense of direction.

Day after day, the girl not only losing herself, she also sees her sister losing herself too.

Back in rainforest, she only listened to brother's voice of disappointment over her sister. But, now that she is back home, the girl witnessed the sister's antic. The girl experienced disappointment too. Now that she is at home, she sees how her sister turns into different person everyday. Everyday, she sees her dad walks upstairs, knocks her sister's room and asked her sister to take her medication.

Once upon a time, her sister was someone who were smart, well-loved by everybody, went to expensive school, worked in expensive country and had high pay job.

Today, her sister turns into a different person, someday her sister is hardworking, someday her sister said she wants to be successful person but still stuck her butt to sofa, and someday her sister went out partying with her friends as though she never caught the bug before.

The girl is confused.

Sometimes, the girl suspected her sister never caught the bug.

The girl is lost, confused and clueless.

But one day, the girl met the tall one, the thin one, the short one, the cola one and the late one.

Her life turns differently within second.

These people are like her mentor, companion and guardian. She learnt many things from each of them. And also they are like her sister. The girl practically take most of them as replacement for a sister she lost long time ago. This people inspire her to be different, bring different perspective of life to her. These people makes such a big impact in her life.

As time goes by, the girl goes overboard. Unconsciously, she forgot that this people are not her sister. And she hurts them unintentionally.

The worst thing is the girl is correlating anything that happened with these people to her past with her sister.

And this cause damage to the friendship between the girl and her friends. She can feels they are drifting apart because of her. Especially when they no longer whatsapp as much as before. The girl knows is her fault. Her guilt is overwhelm. She feels she has no right to deserve friends like this anymore.

Now, she is lost again.

All she wants is just that all the incidents that happened because of the girl should never happened. But, the girl cannot turns the clock around anymore. Damage has done.

And now she wants thing back to normal.

Is the nightmare of her past is repeating and the bitter girl reappears again?

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