This journey is incredibly humbling for me.

From being wounded and not knowing which way is up and wondering whether or not i could be ALIVE or not and at the same time, finding new MEANING in my new life in this FOREIGN place.....It's been an AMAZING journey

I am a daughter, sister, dog-owner and friend.

Currently, i am learning to train my mind and body. I want to hold my body, challenge my physical ability to a level i could never imagine.

I definitely have learn to stop letting these people who do so little for me in my life but control so much of my mind, feeling and emotions.

Learning to let them go from my life is definitely one of the best achievement i ever done to myself.

Goodbye my friends.... Hope when we meet again, we are once strangers again.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

New room, new housemate....

I am happy.....

I finally passed my council examination.

And now i just need to wait patiently for my council application and my working permit now.

And good news from me.

I moved to a place called 'HOME'.

I got a new 'friend cum family member'

And now i can hang my frying pan on the wall now.

Previously, i was staying with a Germophobia cum maniac Polish lady. I was sad and lonely. I was eating my meals in front of computer. It feel pathetic. Not only that, i am scared and afraid. I realised unconsciously i tend to avoid this crazy Polish lady. I make sure i came home early and cooked earlier before she comes back. And i tend to wash my plates and bowls in the morning because i tend to avoid her at night cause i know she is there in the kitchen and living room.

Now, God answers my prayer. I am such a blessed girl.

Currently i am sitting in the living room with my laptop on my lap and i am watching "So You Think You Can Dance".

And this evening, i FaceTime with my family. Coincidently, they were having reunion family dinner. Initial, i thought i will be having hard time with the thought of them having great time without me., but surprisingly, i am not at all. Having a good housemate is really crucial. She really makes my day. She will cook indian vegetables curry and prepare Indian dessert for me. And then i will follow her to go shopping. And for once, i feel i can be a friend to someone and someone take me as their friend after so long.

And we have a lady that will drop by my our home and join us for dinner. Is fun. It feels like family.

And one more thing, i cannot wait for my Malaysian friends to come back. I am sure they got me something from Malaysia.

My new home, new family members....

Saturday, February 1, 2014

You Went for a Coffee Chat and You Went Home....

You heard of bad news, i am faraway from home. i am not celebrating Chinese New Year with my family and friends this year. i am also not going on family trip with them this year too. However you heard it, i know you immediately felt bad, you asked how to help, what can you do for me, you will pray for me. Whatever you did, i am grateful, even you did not say anything about it. You are a blessing to me. I am grateful that the fact my presence is important to you, that is why you spend time for me, even in your prayer.

However, as the time goes, you move on with your life, i moved on with mine. Life goes back to normal. You called, you asked, you caught up with me over a cup of coffee. You did what you could have done for a friend. Once the ordeal was done, the day was done too, and you went home. Back to your life, back to your love, back to those who make your world complete.

You came to me and then you went home.

But someone like me remains the same. After the cup of coffee, i went back home. I still feel bad about myself. The couch feels warm and cozy, but the heart still feels empty. Life is not anymore the same again for me and it never will be again. Where there was once laughter during the coffee chat, now is no longer there anymore. The short coffee chat seemed so long for me. There are clothes unpack, shoes scattered around, passport lied on the bed. So much to do and so many memories left to be remembered, processed and grieved to a lost friendship.