The girl returned to concrete jungle. But she forgot that she will turn into bitter girl again once she steps her foot into the house. She forgot but she always knew that she and her sister cannot stay in the same house together. She forgot she will turn weak if she ever stays with her sister in the same house.
She forgot everything till recently.
The girl returned home.
She worked with a torturous empress, who scolded her every other day till the empress found that after all this girl did not deserve the scolding anymore.
Everyday she returned home and looked at the four wall.
She hated her workplace.
She did not perform her best at what she does the best as movement doctor.
She was bored and clueless.
She lost her best companion to old age.
She lost her sense of direction.
Day after day, the girl not only losing herself, she also sees her sister losing herself too.
Back in rainforest, she only listened to brother's voice of disappointment over her sister. But, now that she is back home, the girl witnessed the sister's antic. The girl experienced disappointment too. Now that she is at home, she sees how her sister turns into different person everyday. Everyday, she sees her dad walks upstairs, knocks her sister's room and asked her sister to take her medication.
Once upon a time, her sister was someone who were smart, well-loved by everybody, went to expensive school, worked in expensive country and had high pay job.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Part 2 - As time passes....
Time heals the wound, at least for temporary moment.
The girl's sister was in expensive country. Everybody is proud of her sister and amazed cause her sister was working in expensive country. But the girl was nobody because the girl had nothing.
However, the girl moved on. She found herself an opportunity to study with support from her dirty kingdom. Although her kingdom is a dirty kingdom, at least she got her free education. The girl enjoyed her free education, she met many good friends as well as many good enemies who taught her many valuable lessons.
The girl've learned no matter how close a person with another person, the another person will still backstab you by bad mouthing you when you were asleep, at least the another person thought you are asleep.
The girl've learned 'real' friend was a person who spread bad rumors about you at the same time consoled you because you were down because of the rumor.
The girl've learned the whole class will boikot you because you were close with the teachers
The girl've learned not to be so blur because it was too late to know the thruth after 5 years the in incident happened because there was nothing you can do anymore.
But the most valuable lesson she learnt during her free education is true and sincere friend will be there for you no matter what you become and where you end up and always know how to handle your moodiness. She met 'cat city' girl.
One fine day, the girl's sister caught a bug. And her sister was not well in expensive country. The bug changed her sister into another person. On and off, her sister will turn different person.
The girl's sister was in expensive country. Everybody is proud of her sister and amazed cause her sister was working in expensive country. But the girl was nobody because the girl had nothing.
However, the girl moved on. She found herself an opportunity to study with support from her dirty kingdom. Although her kingdom is a dirty kingdom, at least she got her free education. The girl enjoyed her free education, she met many good friends as well as many good enemies who taught her many valuable lessons.
The girl've learned no matter how close a person with another person, the another person will still backstab you by bad mouthing you when you were asleep, at least the another person thought you are asleep.
The girl've learned 'real' friend was a person who spread bad rumors about you at the same time consoled you because you were down because of the rumor.
The girl've learned the whole class will boikot you because you were close with the teachers
The girl've learned not to be so blur because it was too late to know the thruth after 5 years the in incident happened because there was nothing you can do anymore.
But the most valuable lesson she learnt during her free education is true and sincere friend will be there for you no matter what you become and where you end up and always know how to handle your moodiness. She met 'cat city' girl.
One fine day, the girl's sister caught a bug. And her sister was not well in expensive country. The bug changed her sister into another person. On and off, her sister will turn different person.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Part 1 - Bitter girl....
Once upon a time, there was a girl who has a happy family. This girl was young, bubbly and energetic. However, her existence was overshadowed by her sister all the time. This girl has a sister, who is smart, hardworking, too scorer and well-received by everyone in her family. However, the girl did not mind, instead she was happy for her sister. She was proud because her sister was her mentor, idol and sister. She had someone she can look up to as role model....
However, as the girl and the sister grew up, the sister found a new circle of 'friends' and also new God. The girl was devastated.
One fine day, the sister told the girl that her God is better than the girl's God. The girl's God is just a stone. The girl turned confused. Her sister was condemning other people religion. The girl knew something was not right. But at the same time, she was angry at her sister for being ignorance and she was sad because her sister was no longer the sister she knew.
Her sister had newly found 'friends' and the girl cannot accept her sister's new God. Slowly the girl stepped back. Thus, she grew apart from her sister. Her sister also the same. They went into different pathway.
The girl felt left out.
The girl felt neglected.
The girl felt betrayed.
However, as the girl and the sister grew up, the sister found a new circle of 'friends' and also new God. The girl was devastated.
One fine day, the sister told the girl that her God is better than the girl's God. The girl's God is just a stone. The girl turned confused. Her sister was condemning other people religion. The girl knew something was not right. But at the same time, she was angry at her sister for being ignorance and she was sad because her sister was no longer the sister she knew.
Her sister had newly found 'friends' and the girl cannot accept her sister's new God. Slowly the girl stepped back. Thus, she grew apart from her sister. Her sister also the same. They went into different pathway.
The girl felt left out.
The girl felt neglected.
The girl felt betrayed.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
My Apology - I Just Do Not Know Where to Begin.....
May 2012
She started another drama again....
One day, Father called me while i was having dinner with them...... Father sounded nervous.... He said shefelt depressed, called him and asked him to come back.....
I told them that i need to go back home stat..... Three of them sounded shocked.... I do not know how to tell them.... cause is such a long story..... I just told them something happened at home.... I need to go home now.... I will explain to them once things more settle down....
I went home and saw her in her depressed mode again.... I asked whether she wants hospital admission or not... she refused.... then i asked what she wants..... She said she does not know.... Sigh...... I'm really clueless..... I really do not know how to help her anymore....
She started another drama again....
One day, Father called me while i was having dinner with them...... Father sounded nervous.... He said shefelt depressed, called him and asked him to come back.....
I told them that i need to go back home stat..... Three of them sounded shocked.... I do not know how to tell them.... cause is such a long story..... I just told them something happened at home.... I need to go home now.... I will explain to them once things more settle down....
I went home and saw her in her depressed mode again.... I asked whether she wants hospital admission or not... she refused.... then i asked what she wants..... She said she does not know.... Sigh...... I'm really clueless..... I really do not know how to help her anymore....
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Annoyance plus Disappointment....
November 18, 2012
Today i feel rather confused...... I forced myself to cry..... Why i forced myself to cry???? I realized I was trying to numb myself. I am emotionless already. Then i realized i no longer can cry like before. Few years back, i always cry to myself. And it did makes me feel better. But now, i realized crying did not come naturally to me anymore. Therefore, i forced myself to cry....
I was waiting for them to come home. I sat on the stool. Kiki came to me. She saw the balls in my hands. She wagged her tail as usual. I looked at her for a moment. And i told myself 'Take this as opportunity, nobody is at home now, Xiao Xiao..... Cry..... Cry...... Cry all your heart out!!!!!!!!' Tears did not need to wait..... Out of sudden, floods of tears ran down my cheeks..... Suddenly i was crying hard..... Kiki looked at me.... She was surprised and shocked..... Cause she whined.... I kept on crying non-stop.... Kiki was still looking at me.....Then she walked towards me. She put her left paw on my right hand...... I cried harder.... Then she started to whine.....As though Kiki is trying to tell me that 'Things will be fine, Xiao Xiao'.....
After few minutes, my crying stop. It was a easy stop. I did not need extra effort to tell myself to stop... But, i feel better..... My heart feels lighter.....
She came home.... Mom was there too.... As usual, i do not have anything to speak to her..... Mom told to bath first.... She said 'Fine'.....
But she did not bath. She changed her clothes to pyjamas immediately..... She sat on the sofa..... and start making calls..... She talked on the phone as though she is happily in love....
I am annoyed because she did it on purpose in front of me. She knew i dislike this guy.... I ignore her completely...
My disappointment towards she is stronger. She no longer reply my whatsapp. Not even a word of assurance....
P.S: I'm a Bipolar Sister, and I'm trying to be stronger than her.....
Today i feel rather confused...... I forced myself to cry..... Why i forced myself to cry???? I realized I was trying to numb myself. I am emotionless already. Then i realized i no longer can cry like before. Few years back, i always cry to myself. And it did makes me feel better. But now, i realized crying did not come naturally to me anymore. Therefore, i forced myself to cry....
I was waiting for them to come home. I sat on the stool. Kiki came to me. She saw the balls in my hands. She wagged her tail as usual. I looked at her for a moment. And i told myself 'Take this as opportunity, nobody is at home now, Xiao Xiao..... Cry..... Cry...... Cry all your heart out!!!!!!!!' Tears did not need to wait..... Out of sudden, floods of tears ran down my cheeks..... Suddenly i was crying hard..... Kiki looked at me.... She was surprised and shocked..... Cause she whined.... I kept on crying non-stop.... Kiki was still looking at me.....Then she walked towards me. She put her left paw on my right hand...... I cried harder.... Then she started to whine.....As though Kiki is trying to tell me that 'Things will be fine, Xiao Xiao'.....
After few minutes, my crying stop. It was a easy stop. I did not need extra effort to tell myself to stop... But, i feel better..... My heart feels lighter.....
She came home.... Mom was there too.... As usual, i do not have anything to speak to her..... Mom told to bath first.... She said 'Fine'.....
But she did not bath. She changed her clothes to pyjamas immediately..... She sat on the sofa..... and start making calls..... She talked on the phone as though she is happily in love....
I am annoyed because she did it on purpose in front of me. She knew i dislike this guy.... I ignore her completely...
My disappointment towards she is stronger. She no longer reply my whatsapp. Not even a word of assurance....
P.S: I'm a Bipolar Sister, and I'm trying to be stronger than her.....
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Ayurvedic oil and hot stone massage
My body is aching. I suffered what my patients suffered too. Overused muscles especially my scapula region and lower back.
But I do need a good massage and stress reliever.
And I found ayurverdic and hot stone massage.
I do not know anything about Ayurvedic medicine, but I heard a little bout it's benefits, when I see this package offered 2 hours massage for RM 68. Immediately I asked J whether we wanna go together or not.
So, we went. And the verdict is the masseuses are strong and good. And I love the hot stone massage. Particularly, when I personally requested her to put a little pressure on my fibrosis over my scapula. Immediately, I feel the release.
Of course before the massage, she put me in an 'igloo' that looks like this
This is an infrared treatment where I lied there for 20 minutes. Initially I did not feel anything inside but slowly I can feeling heat catching up, by ten minutes, I can feel my body is wet and hot. I cannot wait to get out from the 'igloo'. Once in awhile I brought two of my hands out, and voila!! The cold air felt so good.
Finally, my masseuse came in and inform me that the treatment is done. And informed me that my massage is 2 hours. She asked me whether I want hard or medium. Immediately I said hard.
I lied on my tummy, and this small framed Indonesian lady worked her magic hands on my calves. And is really hard. My gastrocnecmius felt so painful. immediately I requested for medium pressure.
She took her sweet time while I dozed off when she massage my back, and when she put the hot stone, I woke up immediately, I thought she overheated the stones, it felt so burning.... But after a while, the massage feels so soothing.... eventually, i dozed off....
But I do need a good massage and stress reliever.
And I found ayurverdic and hot stone massage.
I do not know anything about Ayurvedic medicine, but I heard a little bout it's benefits, when I see this package offered 2 hours massage for RM 68. Immediately I asked J whether we wanna go together or not.
So, we went. And the verdict is the masseuses are strong and good. And I love the hot stone massage. Particularly, when I personally requested her to put a little pressure on my fibrosis over my scapula. Immediately, I feel the release.
Of course before the massage, she put me in an 'igloo' that looks like this
This is an infrared treatment where I lied there for 20 minutes. Initially I did not feel anything inside but slowly I can feeling heat catching up, by ten minutes, I can feel my body is wet and hot. I cannot wait to get out from the 'igloo'. Once in awhile I brought two of my hands out, and voila!! The cold air felt so good.
Finally, my masseuse came in and inform me that the treatment is done. And informed me that my massage is 2 hours. She asked me whether I want hard or medium. Immediately I said hard.
I lied on my tummy, and this small framed Indonesian lady worked her magic hands on my calves. And is really hard. My gastrocnecmius felt so painful. immediately I requested for medium pressure.
She took her sweet time while I dozed off when she massage my back, and when she put the hot stone, I woke up immediately, I thought she overheated the stones, it felt so burning.... But after a while, the massage feels so soothing.... eventually, i dozed off....
Saturday, December 3, 2011
A letter from Kingkong
I found this poem from Dogster, a forum for dog lover…..
When i read it, i thought as though Kingkong is telling me something….
When i read it, i thought as though Kingkong is telling me something….
Hi Shiau Lee jie jie,
If it should be that I grow weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
Don't let your grief control your hand,
For this day more than all the rest,
Your love for me must stand the test.
We've had so many happy years,
What is to come can hold no fears,
You'd not want me to suffer so,
The time has come, please let me go.
Take me where my needs they'll tend,
And please stay with me until the end,
Hold me firm & speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time that you will see,
The kindness that you do for me,
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.
Please do not grieve it must be you,
Who has this painful thing to do,
We've been so close for all these years,
Don't let your heart hold back your tears.
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
Don't let your grief control your hand,
For this day more than all the rest,
Your love for me must stand the test.
We've had so many happy years,
What is to come can hold no fears,
You'd not want me to suffer so,
The time has come, please let me go.
Take me where my needs they'll tend,
And please stay with me until the end,
Hold me firm & speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time that you will see,
The kindness that you do for me,
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.
Please do not grieve it must be you,
Who has this painful thing to do,
We've been so close for all these years,
Don't let your heart hold back your tears.
Love, Kingkong….
Thursday, December 1, 2011
King Kong – My brother, my friend, my companion…..
Today, my 16 years old Mongrel can barely stand up, can barely sniff me, can barely bark at me. I know he is in pain. But it doesn't stop him from wagging his tail every single time i came home....
Xiao Xiao...
Dear Kingkong,
i know that you are not well now….But I don’t know whether are you in pain now… However, you never show you are in pain. Your eyes told me you want to sleep all the time…..
Every morning, i whistled for you and you no longer come to me…
Every night, i called you name and you no longer run towards me…
I know you are weak now, but i believe you are also strong as well…
I spoke to myself that i would let you go…. But my heart told me is not up to me whether to let you go…. Is up to you…
I’m so happy to see you ran to the postman today. I’m happy to hear you bark…. Although is not strong as before, but i can hear the bark of bravery. From that time onwards, i know you are not ready to let go…
For the past four months, i no longer see you ran to the backdoor as you always did because you want to send me off to school…. I knew there is something wrong already.
But, I'm glad till today, you were waiting for me to come home even though you were just lying on the floor while you wagged your tail. I love it when you did that.
My heart ache when i change your diapers because i can see how all the blood oozing out from your wound. My heart ache when i did not hear a wimp from you. You are such a strong boy….
Therefore, I'm glad i came back to KL despite i suffer so much at work. There is nothing more important than being by your side till i hear your last breath….
Kingkong,
I'll stay by your side till you ready to let go. Let’s be strong together. I promise you that i would stop letting you see my tears because i knew you will tear too…
I love you, Kingkong….
Love,
Your sis, your companion
Shiau Lee
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