This journey is incredibly humbling for me.

From being wounded and not knowing which way is up and wondering whether or not i could be ALIVE or not and at the same time, finding new MEANING in my new life in this FOREIGN place.....It's been an AMAZING journey

I am a daughter, sister, dog-owner and friend.

Currently, i am learning to train my mind and body. I want to hold my body, challenge my physical ability to a level i could never imagine.

I definitely have learn to stop letting these people who do so little for me in my life but control so much of my mind, feeling and emotions.

Learning to let them go from my life is definitely one of the best achievement i ever done to myself.

Goodbye my friends.... Hope when we meet again, we are once strangers again.

Monday, April 1, 2013

8 reasons why people step away from depressive people.

Today I woke up with such a blue feeling. I went to work with gloomy mood.

Yesterday night was sleepless night for me.

Why people step away from people with depression?

1) People think depressive people are faking it to get attention - Actually these depressive feeling is not FAKE... You really can wake up with gloomy mood, thinking this is the end of the world.

2) People think depressive people just desperate and want attention - If they want attention, they would not wait till they get depression and seek for it, they will seek for attention even they are not depress, they just want help and support because they know they are losing themselves.

3) People think depressive people are weak people - How do you define WEAK? Is so subjective. One person's weakness may be another person's strength. What looks like strength can really be weakness too.

4) People think depressive people's mood are contagious, it can affect other people. - Well, if is contagious, there goes the whole world, everybody will be depression. According to US, 1 out of 10 American at one point got clinical depression. You can imagine how depress this country can become if is contagious.

5) People think depressive people are negative people. And is better not to mingle with negative people. - If you know this people before she/he got depression, do you think she is negative people? If is a no, she/he is just having negative thoughts when she/he are having depressed mood. Staying away from them will makes them few bad and increases the negative vibe in them.

6) People think depressive people never help themselves, only want to depend on other people - Depressive people does not want dependence, they only want support. If they are depending on you, please slap them and wake them up and continue support them.

7) People think if they continue to treat depressive as usual, depressive people will cling to them for support FOREVER - If depressive people have self- awareness, they will know they cannot cling to you at all cause they know who can support them. They are just depressive, not stupid. They will not look for your support if you can afford to give.

8) People are tired, mentally, physically and emotionally, for taking care of depressive people for long time because they are human too.

I understand why people step away from people with depression or any psychotic illness. I was once a carer for bipolar patient since 2002. I was lucky that during the worst time, I did not succumb into depression or else I will be another burden for my family. We not only need to sacrifice our time and financial, we also need to sacrifice our mental and emotion effort.

However, as A did not recover from her illness, I become tired. I feel my effort is wasted. I feel exactly what other people think especially the number 8.

I never blame them for leaving me behind. I just feel sad, disappointed and afraid of rejection. How I wish it never happen? How I wish I am stronger? How I wish I can hide my emotion from them? Who will thought that I need to fake my emotion from close friends?

Deep down, I wish they step in and tell me,

'Look Xiao Xiao, I know u r depressive, but I cannot help you. But do not worry, we will be friends as usual. But please do not spread ur gloomy mood to me.'

I am just depressed. But I am not stupid.

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