May 2012
She started another drama again....
One day, Father called me while i was having dinner with them...... Father sounded nervous.... He said shefelt depressed, called him and asked him to come back.....
I told them that i need to go back home stat..... Three of them sounded shocked.... I do not know how to tell them.... cause is such a long story..... I just told them something happened at home.... I need to go home now.... I will explain to them once things more settle down....
I went home and saw her in her depressed mode again.... I asked whether she wants hospital admission or not... she refused.... then i asked what she wants..... She said she does not know.... Sigh...... I'm really clueless..... I really do not know how to help her anymore....
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Annoyance plus Disappointment....
November 18, 2012
Today i feel rather confused...... I forced myself to cry..... Why i forced myself to cry???? I realized I was trying to numb myself. I am emotionless already. Then i realized i no longer can cry like before. Few years back, i always cry to myself. And it did makes me feel better. But now, i realized crying did not come naturally to me anymore. Therefore, i forced myself to cry....
I was waiting for them to come home. I sat on the stool. Kiki came to me. She saw the balls in my hands. She wagged her tail as usual. I looked at her for a moment. And i told myself 'Take this as opportunity, nobody is at home now, Xiao Xiao..... Cry..... Cry...... Cry all your heart out!!!!!!!!' Tears did not need to wait..... Out of sudden, floods of tears ran down my cheeks..... Suddenly i was crying hard..... Kiki looked at me.... She was surprised and shocked..... Cause she whined.... I kept on crying non-stop.... Kiki was still looking at me.....Then she walked towards me. She put her left paw on my right hand...... I cried harder.... Then she started to whine.....As though Kiki is trying to tell me that 'Things will be fine, Xiao Xiao'.....
After few minutes, my crying stop. It was a easy stop. I did not need extra effort to tell myself to stop... But, i feel better..... My heart feels lighter.....
She came home.... Mom was there too.... As usual, i do not have anything to speak to her..... Mom told to bath first.... She said 'Fine'.....
But she did not bath. She changed her clothes to pyjamas immediately..... She sat on the sofa..... and start making calls..... She talked on the phone as though she is happily in love....
I am annoyed because she did it on purpose in front of me. She knew i dislike this guy.... I ignore her completely...
My disappointment towards she is stronger. She no longer reply my whatsapp. Not even a word of assurance....
P.S: I'm a Bipolar Sister, and I'm trying to be stronger than her.....
Today i feel rather confused...... I forced myself to cry..... Why i forced myself to cry???? I realized I was trying to numb myself. I am emotionless already. Then i realized i no longer can cry like before. Few years back, i always cry to myself. And it did makes me feel better. But now, i realized crying did not come naturally to me anymore. Therefore, i forced myself to cry....
I was waiting for them to come home. I sat on the stool. Kiki came to me. She saw the balls in my hands. She wagged her tail as usual. I looked at her for a moment. And i told myself 'Take this as opportunity, nobody is at home now, Xiao Xiao..... Cry..... Cry...... Cry all your heart out!!!!!!!!' Tears did not need to wait..... Out of sudden, floods of tears ran down my cheeks..... Suddenly i was crying hard..... Kiki looked at me.... She was surprised and shocked..... Cause she whined.... I kept on crying non-stop.... Kiki was still looking at me.....Then she walked towards me. She put her left paw on my right hand...... I cried harder.... Then she started to whine.....As though Kiki is trying to tell me that 'Things will be fine, Xiao Xiao'.....
After few minutes, my crying stop. It was a easy stop. I did not need extra effort to tell myself to stop... But, i feel better..... My heart feels lighter.....
She came home.... Mom was there too.... As usual, i do not have anything to speak to her..... Mom told to bath first.... She said 'Fine'.....
But she did not bath. She changed her clothes to pyjamas immediately..... She sat on the sofa..... and start making calls..... She talked on the phone as though she is happily in love....
I am annoyed because she did it on purpose in front of me. She knew i dislike this guy.... I ignore her completely...
My disappointment towards she is stronger. She no longer reply my whatsapp. Not even a word of assurance....
P.S: I'm a Bipolar Sister, and I'm trying to be stronger than her.....
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Ayurvedic oil and hot stone massage
My body is aching. I suffered what my patients suffered too. Overused muscles especially my scapula region and lower back.
But I do need a good massage and stress reliever.
And I found ayurverdic and hot stone massage.
I do not know anything about Ayurvedic medicine, but I heard a little bout it's benefits, when I see this package offered 2 hours massage for RM 68. Immediately I asked J whether we wanna go together or not.
So, we went. And the verdict is the masseuses are strong and good. And I love the hot stone massage. Particularly, when I personally requested her to put a little pressure on my fibrosis over my scapula. Immediately, I feel the release.
Of course before the massage, she put me in an 'igloo' that looks like this
This is an infrared treatment where I lied there for 20 minutes. Initially I did not feel anything inside but slowly I can feeling heat catching up, by ten minutes, I can feel my body is wet and hot. I cannot wait to get out from the 'igloo'. Once in awhile I brought two of my hands out, and voila!! The cold air felt so good.
Finally, my masseuse came in and inform me that the treatment is done. And informed me that my massage is 2 hours. She asked me whether I want hard or medium. Immediately I said hard.
I lied on my tummy, and this small framed Indonesian lady worked her magic hands on my calves. And is really hard. My gastrocnecmius felt so painful. immediately I requested for medium pressure.
She took her sweet time while I dozed off when she massage my back, and when she put the hot stone, I woke up immediately, I thought she overheated the stones, it felt so burning.... But after a while, the massage feels so soothing.... eventually, i dozed off....
But I do need a good massage and stress reliever.
And I found ayurverdic and hot stone massage.
I do not know anything about Ayurvedic medicine, but I heard a little bout it's benefits, when I see this package offered 2 hours massage for RM 68. Immediately I asked J whether we wanna go together or not.
So, we went. And the verdict is the masseuses are strong and good. And I love the hot stone massage. Particularly, when I personally requested her to put a little pressure on my fibrosis over my scapula. Immediately, I feel the release.
Of course before the massage, she put me in an 'igloo' that looks like this
This is an infrared treatment where I lied there for 20 minutes. Initially I did not feel anything inside but slowly I can feeling heat catching up, by ten minutes, I can feel my body is wet and hot. I cannot wait to get out from the 'igloo'. Once in awhile I brought two of my hands out, and voila!! The cold air felt so good.
Finally, my masseuse came in and inform me that the treatment is done. And informed me that my massage is 2 hours. She asked me whether I want hard or medium. Immediately I said hard.
I lied on my tummy, and this small framed Indonesian lady worked her magic hands on my calves. And is really hard. My gastrocnecmius felt so painful. immediately I requested for medium pressure.
She took her sweet time while I dozed off when she massage my back, and when she put the hot stone, I woke up immediately, I thought she overheated the stones, it felt so burning.... But after a while, the massage feels so soothing.... eventually, i dozed off....
Saturday, December 3, 2011
A letter from Kingkong
I found this poem from Dogster, a forum for dog lover…..
When i read it, i thought as though Kingkong is telling me something….
When i read it, i thought as though Kingkong is telling me something….
Hi Shiau Lee jie jie,
If it should be that I grow weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
Don't let your grief control your hand,
For this day more than all the rest,
Your love for me must stand the test.
We've had so many happy years,
What is to come can hold no fears,
You'd not want me to suffer so,
The time has come, please let me go.
Take me where my needs they'll tend,
And please stay with me until the end,
Hold me firm & speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time that you will see,
The kindness that you do for me,
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.
Please do not grieve it must be you,
Who has this painful thing to do,
We've been so close for all these years,
Don't let your heart hold back your tears.
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
Don't let your grief control your hand,
For this day more than all the rest,
Your love for me must stand the test.
We've had so many happy years,
What is to come can hold no fears,
You'd not want me to suffer so,
The time has come, please let me go.
Take me where my needs they'll tend,
And please stay with me until the end,
Hold me firm & speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time that you will see,
The kindness that you do for me,
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.
Please do not grieve it must be you,
Who has this painful thing to do,
We've been so close for all these years,
Don't let your heart hold back your tears.
Love, Kingkong….
Thursday, December 1, 2011
King Kong – My brother, my friend, my companion…..
Today, my 16 years old Mongrel can barely stand up, can barely sniff me, can barely bark at me. I know he is in pain. But it doesn't stop him from wagging his tail every single time i came home....
Xiao Xiao...
Dear Kingkong,
i know that you are not well now….But I don’t know whether are you in pain now… However, you never show you are in pain. Your eyes told me you want to sleep all the time…..
Every morning, i whistled for you and you no longer come to me…
Every night, i called you name and you no longer run towards me…
I know you are weak now, but i believe you are also strong as well…
I spoke to myself that i would let you go…. But my heart told me is not up to me whether to let you go…. Is up to you…
I’m so happy to see you ran to the postman today. I’m happy to hear you bark…. Although is not strong as before, but i can hear the bark of bravery. From that time onwards, i know you are not ready to let go…
For the past four months, i no longer see you ran to the backdoor as you always did because you want to send me off to school…. I knew there is something wrong already.
But, I'm glad till today, you were waiting for me to come home even though you were just lying on the floor while you wagged your tail. I love it when you did that.
My heart ache when i change your diapers because i can see how all the blood oozing out from your wound. My heart ache when i did not hear a wimp from you. You are such a strong boy….
Therefore, I'm glad i came back to KL despite i suffer so much at work. There is nothing more important than being by your side till i hear your last breath….
Kingkong,
I'll stay by your side till you ready to let go. Let’s be strong together. I promise you that i would stop letting you see my tears because i knew you will tear too…
I love you, Kingkong….
Love,
Your sis, your companion
Shiau Lee
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Athena – The Goddess of War
This is not the review of the Korean drama, sequel of Iris -Athena.
But, is my admiration towards the famous Greek Goddess.
ATHENA
Athena is the virgin Patron of the famous Athens.
Athena is known as the Goddess of War because she is the patrons of weapons. She leads battles as the disciplined, strategic side of war. She only is a warrior to defend the State and the native land against the enemies from outside.
She is also the goddess of wisdom, courage, inspiration and civilization. She is the protectress of civilized life, or artesian activities.
She is the first of the three virgin Goddesses, as knows as Maiden, Parthenos, and from this they dedicated a temple to her, and named the temple the Parthenon.
A poetry described her as incarnation of Wisdom, Reason and Purity.
Athens is her city; the olive tree, created by her, is her tree; the owl, is the birth consecrated to her.
I only find out about Athena when i tried to google the ANTHENA KOREAN DRAMA.
The reason i like Athena is because of the Korean drama
Like Athena, I always want to be brave like her and protect my family, of course cultivate the feminine side of me like her. Of course, we are not looking for war but we are looking forward to have a peaceful and happy home.
And of course i want to have her wisdom, i think is important for a female to have wisdom in this era, because we are no longer in the era of those days with typical housewife at home awaiting for husband to return from work and serve and bear children.
Life is not fair, we cannot have everything perfect in our life. But we do not want our life to be miserable.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Lee Seung Gi is No 1 Idol among Middle Aged Women.
Here is some news i read and stated that Lee Seung Gi is no. 1 Idol among middle-aged women.
I’m not worry that I'm a good fan of Lee Seung Gi, instead am i categorized in middle-aged women…. But luckily, in Lee Seung Gi Facebook Malaysia, most of them are youngster like me…
Here is a latest news on Lee Seung Gi….
On August 13th, KBS’s ‘Entertainment Relay‘ aired the results of a recent survey that polled ‘Middle-aged Women’s Idols’.
The honor of first place went to none other than Lee Seung Gi, who is currently receiving much love for his role on KBS’s ‘1 Night 2 Days‘. One woman commented, “I end up looking only at Lee Seung Gi while watching ‘1 Night 2 Days’. I just can’t help but smile when I see him.”
Lee Seung Gi once again proved his popularity amongst not only the younger crowd, but also the older generation by surpassing other top stars in the survey, including Hyun Bin who came in second, Bae Yong Joon who came in third, and Jo In Sung who came in sixth place.
Source + Photo: Star News via Nate
I’m not worry that I'm a good fan of Lee Seung Gi, instead am i categorized in middle-aged women…. But luckily, in Lee Seung Gi Facebook Malaysia, most of them are youngster like me…
Here is a latest news on Lee Seung Gi….
On August 13th, KBS’s ‘Entertainment Relay‘ aired the results of a recent survey that polled ‘Middle-aged Women’s Idols’.
The honor of first place went to none other than Lee Seung Gi, who is currently receiving much love for his role on KBS’s ‘1 Night 2 Days‘. One woman commented, “I end up looking only at Lee Seung Gi while watching ‘1 Night 2 Days’. I just can’t help but smile when I see him.”
Lee Seung Gi once again proved his popularity amongst not only the younger crowd, but also the older generation by surpassing other top stars in the survey, including Hyun Bin who came in second, Bae Yong Joon who came in third, and Jo In Sung who came in sixth place.
Source + Photo: Star News via Nate
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Things I missed in Ipoh
Number 1 thing I missed in Ipoh.
Is something I felt right after I went thru a mentally tortured jam in downtown KL yesterday!!!!
And the thing that top the lists is the traffic in Ipoh. Practically there is no jam in Ipoh. And the only times I experienced jam were during public holidays and weekend, however, these jams are considered small cases to me because I felt the worst when I was in KL. However, I cannot deny that the number of cars in Ipoh does increases over the years I lived in Ipoh.
I miss the most is when I was in Ipoh, I only leave my Ipoh house at 7.30am and i can punch my card in the department by 7.50am. I would said this is luxury. But now, I need to wake up at 5.30 am to prepare to leave the house at 6.15am. I'm taking LRT and STAR
However, life needs to move on. This is the reality. We need to face it no matter. Maybe like what my good friend said I just need another 3 months to fall in love with KL all over again.
Stay put for the next thing I missed in Ipoh!!!!
Ciao!!!!
(^o^)
Is something I felt right after I went thru a mentally tortured jam in downtown KL yesterday!!!!
And the thing that top the lists is the traffic in Ipoh. Practically there is no jam in Ipoh. And the only times I experienced jam were during public holidays and weekend, however, these jams are considered small cases to me because I felt the worst when I was in KL. However, I cannot deny that the number of cars in Ipoh does increases over the years I lived in Ipoh.
I miss the most is when I was in Ipoh, I only leave my Ipoh house at 7.30am and i can punch my card in the department by 7.50am. I would said this is luxury. But now, I need to wake up at 5.30 am to prepare to leave the house at 6.15am. I'm taking LRT and STAR
However, life needs to move on. This is the reality. We need to face it no matter. Maybe like what my good friend said I just need another 3 months to fall in love with KL all over again.
Stay put for the next thing I missed in Ipoh!!!!
Ciao!!!!
(^o^)
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