This journey is incredibly humbling for me.

From being wounded and not knowing which way is up and wondering whether or not i could be ALIVE or not and at the same time, finding new MEANING in my new life in this FOREIGN place.....It's been an AMAZING journey

I am a daughter, sister, dog-owner and friend.

Currently, i am learning to train my mind and body. I want to hold my body, challenge my physical ability to a level i could never imagine.

I definitely have learn to stop letting these people who do so little for me in my life but control so much of my mind, feeling and emotions.

Learning to let them go from my life is definitely one of the best achievement i ever done to myself.

Goodbye my friends.... Hope when we meet again, we are once strangers again.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Is already two years since you left me...

Dear Kingkong,

How are you little boy? Where are you now little boy?  Somewhere that you are happy?

You know you have a little sister, right?

Her name is Kiki.

She is so different from you. In fact she is opposite of you. You are scared of balls, she loves balls. Anything bouncing also she likes. You are tough boy. You always show that you do not need love from me. Even till the day you left me, you still hang on till you saw everybody at home only you left us. You are such a tough boy. I am so proud of you. But Kiki is not like you. She always want attention from me and anybody. She is good at whining. I never hear you whine before.

By the way, Jie jie left home and came to foreign place already. Is already one month. Time really passed faster than we thought.

This place is very weird. Every time i go out, i need to wear a black cloak and also cover my hair. But, of course everybody does that, so i do not feel weird or out of space at all. Another problem with this place is jie jie can no longer drive because driving is illegal for women.

In surface, jie jie comes this place because jie jie wants to earn more money.

In reality, jie jie wants to run away. Run away from home. But please do not mistaken. Jie jie did not run away because of papa, mama, da jie or di di.

Jie jie ran away because jie jie cannot find myself back. And staying at home reminds me of all the bitter things i experienced. Things like friends dumped you are your lowest point or friends that never put jie jie in priority. I am scared. I am scared i cannot find myself back. And i am lost. I do not know where to go and look for help.

Kingkong boy,

I am sorry.

Ever since you left, jie jie turned weak. It seemed like a piece of me followed you when you left me.

It took me long time and also hard work to pick the lost pieces of me and be myself again. Along the way, jie jie lost good friends. But at the same, jie jie gains good friends, who are there to support me. Even till today, jie jie is faraway from them, but they are still caring and always concern whether jie jie will be ok here or not.

But now, jie jie is better already. God took away a bunch of good friends from my life but gave me another good friends at home and also angels in foreign places.

The angels are really good. They are supportive. They make my life in foreign place so much easier than i thought. They cooked me meals on the first few days of my arrival in foreign place. They gave me a humidifier because they said the weather will dry my skin, nose and eyes. With the humidifier, it will sooth my skin, nose and eyes. They gave me a box of water bottles to drink because the water tap here is not drinkable. They even shared with me about the survival skills in foreign place. The dos and don'ts. Beside all that, they find entertainment and they make sure i am part of it so that i do not miss home that much. These angels are really nice.

You do not forget to take care of them when you see them, ok?

Of course, the God needs to give me some challenge to make me stronger. So, i have housemate with obsessive-compulsive disorder with cleanliness. She makes me clean like her. But of course, i am a good girl. I will only be myself.

Kingkong boy,

i miss you.

I always bring a piece of you with me now.... even in foreign place.

Kiki is not a replacement of you.

She is also my other companion. Just like you.

When you are not around, she is the one who licks my tears away, especially when i was in my 'D' period. Every time i cried, Kiki will becomes nervous and frantically looking for ways to console me. And when she is out of ideas, she will licks my tears. And that moment gives me the warmest feeling i ever feel.... So, you see, she is also likes you. Give me the best companion anyone can have.

There is one thing Kiki is similar to you. That's she also will waits at the gate for us to come back, patiently.... That's y Kiki always remind me of you.

So, you do not need to worry. Jie jie is in good paws and hands. Jie jie will take care of myself properly. Jie jie will make sure that i am strong again. Just like before. One day, jie jie will finds the other missing piece of me.

I love you, Kingkong boy...

i will always remember you. Your existence is one of the best thing ever happened to my life. You are my family and friend.

I am going to sleep soon because tomorrow Jie jie is working.

Your beloved Jie Jie,
Xiao Xiao

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