This journey is incredibly humbling for me.

From being wounded and not knowing which way is up and wondering whether or not i could be ALIVE or not and at the same time, finding new MEANING in my new life in this FOREIGN place.....It's been an AMAZING journey

I am a daughter, sister, dog-owner and friend.

Currently, i am learning to train my mind and body. I want to hold my body, challenge my physical ability to a level i could never imagine.

I definitely have learn to stop letting these people who do so little for me in my life but control so much of my mind, feeling and emotions.

Learning to let them go from my life is definitely one of the best achievement i ever done to myself.

Goodbye my friends.... Hope when we meet again, we are once strangers again.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Living with Germophobia - Part 2

30 November 2013

My housemate, *Eugene, today insisted me to mop the floor because she found hair strands and my footprints very dirty in our common room.

I looked at her with my ‘dungu’ face, and then tried my best to pour out some tears from my eyes. Eugene saw my eyes filled with tears. She quickly sat nearer to me and she attempted to assure me that she just want a clean place to stay. However, she did not realised this ‘clean’ that she asked is rather too much for me to understand her definition of 'clean' due to her germophobia. I am not sure whether she realised she has germophobia but having me here will be a good help for her because she needs to adapt to people who does not have germophobia. Having strands of hair and some footprints on the floor do not make me fear and tiredness. Unlike her, she get anxiety and uneasiness if she sees foot prints on the marble floor. 

As usual, showing my ‘dungu’ face is the best way to settle the situation. I allow her to vent her frustration and at the same time, i do not want to participate in any arguments between us. I believe is not healthy for her and me. Sometimes there is no point to argue with people with obsessive-compulsive disorder, because for some people, they do not know that this is a problem and most of the time, they will find ways and reasons to rationalise with their actions. For people with germophobia, she always rationalise that it will be nice to stay and live in a clean place. Well, she is right. I want to live in a clean place, but not a operating theatre. My housemate cleaned the floor yesterday with clorox multiple times. I believe she is physically tired because she needs to do it multiple times. However, she cannot help it because she needs to fulfil the emotional needs of her obsessive-compulsive disorder, if she does not clean the floor with the clorox or multiple times, she feels as though she is dirty. Maybe without me as an extra person, she will do it on regularly basis without complaint because she thinks is worth to clean. After all, she stays here alone and she only does it for herself. But now, the presence of me causes her extra stress. Part of her feels the need to clean the kitchen and living room but part of her why she is the only person who does the cleaning when both of us use the living room and kitchen together. I know even though i clean the kitchen and living room after i used, for her, is not clean at all because i do not clean the kitchen and living room based on her standards.

As a newbie in this foreign land, i believe there is a need for me to build better tolerance value in myself because i need to accept the fact, i chose to come to this place myself. Therefore, meeting housemate with OCD is part of my fate of training my tolerance value.

Maybe today my mood is good and i can feel my tolerance value is high, i can tolerate her nagging and request. But, i cannot be sure when there are the days where i have limited patience and tolerance, whether i will tolerate her nagging and request. 

I cleaned the stove after cooking yesterday morning and she still commented it is dirty.

Then this am she said i dirtied the floor, so i took a picture at the place she pointed at...

I know you are wondering where is the dirt. Do not worry if you cannot see any. It took me a minute to figure out she meant my footprint...  Hahahaha...

Count my blessing- at least i have a 'clean' housemate. I just need to learn to take her nagging only. I wonder will i turn into monster if one day i could not stand her nagging.

Let see who will last here longer, is it me or Eugene?

What do guys think?

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