I finally told Good friends about my problems....
And good friend said she will monitor me morning and night....Which is true.... this silly girl really message me morning and night.... to check out whether my mood is down or not..... to see what i'm doing.....
I told her she did not need to do till this extend but i told her i appreciate her for doing this... In fact, i'm glad to know that she concerned about me....
But one day, good friend asked why i did not tell them about it......
I told her guiltiness.....
I told her i know they always concerned about me..... and superb proud that this group of friends are the best group i ever have..... Even though i have lousy her.... but i have good friends like them.... like her....
But i feel bad after what i did to them.... My automatic thoughts about she has some correlations with them.... and i did not realized that i will have bad thoughts on them and it affected them....
I told good friend the story about flashback and bad mood swings on her last day.....
I told good friend i want to tell them that i know what i did affected them but they did not need to distance themselves from me. I know they thought i am worsening especially with all the flashbacks and mood swings, but little did they know is i always have flashbacks and mood swing since her acute psychosis episodes, but i always kept it to myself.
But after the incident and with my frequent mood swings, i can feel that they are distancing from me..... I no longer received messages from them like last time.... when we messaged each other day and night and talk about anything in the world.....
But now, every time i messaged them.... i can feel a sense of guiltiness.... That's why i retrieved back the urge to message them...I do not know how to face them.....
How i wish i can tell them to just treat me as usual, at least i will go with the flow????
But to think about it, who am i to request so much after all what have i done.......
Guiltiness 100%....
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