May 2012
She started another drama again....
One day, Father called me while i was having dinner with them...... Father sounded nervous.... He said shefelt depressed, called him and asked him to come back.....
I told them that i need to go back home stat..... Three of them sounded shocked.... I do not know how to tell them.... cause is such a long story..... I just told them something happened at home.... I need to go home now.... I will explain to them once things more settle down....
I went home and saw her in her depressed mode again.... I asked whether she wants hospital admission or not... she refused.... then i asked what she wants..... She said she does not know.... Sigh...... I'm really clueless..... I really do not know how to help her anymore....
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Annoyance plus Disappointment....
November 18, 2012
Today i feel rather confused...... I forced myself to cry..... Why i forced myself to cry???? I realized I was trying to numb myself. I am emotionless already. Then i realized i no longer can cry like before. Few years back, i always cry to myself. And it did makes me feel better. But now, i realized crying did not come naturally to me anymore. Therefore, i forced myself to cry....
I was waiting for them to come home. I sat on the stool. Kiki came to me. She saw the balls in my hands. She wagged her tail as usual. I looked at her for a moment. And i told myself 'Take this as opportunity, nobody is at home now, Xiao Xiao..... Cry..... Cry...... Cry all your heart out!!!!!!!!' Tears did not need to wait..... Out of sudden, floods of tears ran down my cheeks..... Suddenly i was crying hard..... Kiki looked at me.... She was surprised and shocked..... Cause she whined.... I kept on crying non-stop.... Kiki was still looking at me.....Then she walked towards me. She put her left paw on my right hand...... I cried harder.... Then she started to whine.....As though Kiki is trying to tell me that 'Things will be fine, Xiao Xiao'.....
After few minutes, my crying stop. It was a easy stop. I did not need extra effort to tell myself to stop... But, i feel better..... My heart feels lighter.....
She came home.... Mom was there too.... As usual, i do not have anything to speak to her..... Mom told to bath first.... She said 'Fine'.....
But she did not bath. She changed her clothes to pyjamas immediately..... She sat on the sofa..... and start making calls..... She talked on the phone as though she is happily in love....
I am annoyed because she did it on purpose in front of me. She knew i dislike this guy.... I ignore her completely...
My disappointment towards she is stronger. She no longer reply my whatsapp. Not even a word of assurance....
P.S: I'm a Bipolar Sister, and I'm trying to be stronger than her.....
Today i feel rather confused...... I forced myself to cry..... Why i forced myself to cry???? I realized I was trying to numb myself. I am emotionless already. Then i realized i no longer can cry like before. Few years back, i always cry to myself. And it did makes me feel better. But now, i realized crying did not come naturally to me anymore. Therefore, i forced myself to cry....
I was waiting for them to come home. I sat on the stool. Kiki came to me. She saw the balls in my hands. She wagged her tail as usual. I looked at her for a moment. And i told myself 'Take this as opportunity, nobody is at home now, Xiao Xiao..... Cry..... Cry...... Cry all your heart out!!!!!!!!' Tears did not need to wait..... Out of sudden, floods of tears ran down my cheeks..... Suddenly i was crying hard..... Kiki looked at me.... She was surprised and shocked..... Cause she whined.... I kept on crying non-stop.... Kiki was still looking at me.....Then she walked towards me. She put her left paw on my right hand...... I cried harder.... Then she started to whine.....As though Kiki is trying to tell me that 'Things will be fine, Xiao Xiao'.....
After few minutes, my crying stop. It was a easy stop. I did not need extra effort to tell myself to stop... But, i feel better..... My heart feels lighter.....
She came home.... Mom was there too.... As usual, i do not have anything to speak to her..... Mom told to bath first.... She said 'Fine'.....
But she did not bath. She changed her clothes to pyjamas immediately..... She sat on the sofa..... and start making calls..... She talked on the phone as though she is happily in love....
I am annoyed because she did it on purpose in front of me. She knew i dislike this guy.... I ignore her completely...
My disappointment towards she is stronger. She no longer reply my whatsapp. Not even a word of assurance....
P.S: I'm a Bipolar Sister, and I'm trying to be stronger than her.....
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Ayurvedic oil and hot stone massage
My body is aching. I suffered what my patients suffered too. Overused muscles especially my scapula region and lower back.
But I do need a good massage and stress reliever.
And I found ayurverdic and hot stone massage.
I do not know anything about Ayurvedic medicine, but I heard a little bout it's benefits, when I see this package offered 2 hours massage for RM 68. Immediately I asked J whether we wanna go together or not.
So, we went. And the verdict is the masseuses are strong and good. And I love the hot stone massage. Particularly, when I personally requested her to put a little pressure on my fibrosis over my scapula. Immediately, I feel the release.
Of course before the massage, she put me in an 'igloo' that looks like this
This is an infrared treatment where I lied there for 20 minutes. Initially I did not feel anything inside but slowly I can feeling heat catching up, by ten minutes, I can feel my body is wet and hot. I cannot wait to get out from the 'igloo'. Once in awhile I brought two of my hands out, and voila!! The cold air felt so good.
Finally, my masseuse came in and inform me that the treatment is done. And informed me that my massage is 2 hours. She asked me whether I want hard or medium. Immediately I said hard.
I lied on my tummy, and this small framed Indonesian lady worked her magic hands on my calves. And is really hard. My gastrocnecmius felt so painful. immediately I requested for medium pressure.
She took her sweet time while I dozed off when she massage my back, and when she put the hot stone, I woke up immediately, I thought she overheated the stones, it felt so burning.... But after a while, the massage feels so soothing.... eventually, i dozed off....
But I do need a good massage and stress reliever.
And I found ayurverdic and hot stone massage.
I do not know anything about Ayurvedic medicine, but I heard a little bout it's benefits, when I see this package offered 2 hours massage for RM 68. Immediately I asked J whether we wanna go together or not.
So, we went. And the verdict is the masseuses are strong and good. And I love the hot stone massage. Particularly, when I personally requested her to put a little pressure on my fibrosis over my scapula. Immediately, I feel the release.
Of course before the massage, she put me in an 'igloo' that looks like this
This is an infrared treatment where I lied there for 20 minutes. Initially I did not feel anything inside but slowly I can feeling heat catching up, by ten minutes, I can feel my body is wet and hot. I cannot wait to get out from the 'igloo'. Once in awhile I brought two of my hands out, and voila!! The cold air felt so good.
Finally, my masseuse came in and inform me that the treatment is done. And informed me that my massage is 2 hours. She asked me whether I want hard or medium. Immediately I said hard.
I lied on my tummy, and this small framed Indonesian lady worked her magic hands on my calves. And is really hard. My gastrocnecmius felt so painful. immediately I requested for medium pressure.
She took her sweet time while I dozed off when she massage my back, and when she put the hot stone, I woke up immediately, I thought she overheated the stones, it felt so burning.... But after a while, the massage feels so soothing.... eventually, i dozed off....
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