Today i read an old post by a dear Blogger named Noch Noch.
Although Noch and I have never met in person before, but i believe is the big
'D' in us that brings us together even though physically we are far apart. We
emailed each other when is needed. The best thing, she is now my no-pressure
and no-obligation friend.
She wrote about she is still in 'suicidal' stage and is
difficult for her to express because the word 'suicidal' is such a taboo word.
Not only is difficult for her to share with other people, at the same this one
word creates so much frustration for people around her, people who cared for
her and people who knew her. For me, i have one additional burden. Not only this
word burdens my family and friends, is also create tension among them. If ever
i blurt that i feel 'suicidal' in front of them, they will keep telling me
'Don't think like this' or "why you think like this?'. And at the same
time, for 'other friends', i am just seeking for attention.
Every day, i fight with myself on stopping myself from
indulging into 'suicidal ideation'. I DO NOT HAVE SUICIDAL IDEATION. But, i do
not see my purposes of living. In simple word, i lose myself to big 'D'. I
succeeded brought myself out from 'D' but i lose my way. I cannot find myself.
For some friends, i have turned not normal. That's why when i stop contacting
them, they also stop contacting me.
