IS MY BIRTHDAY!!!!! I AM LOVING IT TO THE MAX!!!!!

The greatest sweetener of human life is friendship. To raise this to the highest pitch of enjoyment, is a secret which but few discover.....

26th September 2013

Is a year since i had a wonderful birthday celebration with my good friends during 2012.

However, time tested us. Our friendship drifted apart. Till today, it hurts me because the friendship ended with no concrete reason. 

I was waiting for this day to come. I am expecting my mood to be down. And my mood was really down. Other people thought i am down because nobody wishes me happy birthday or no celebration for me. Actually, is not. I am happy when somebody wishes me and gives me presents. But if i do not have any of that, i am still fine with it. However, this year, i am unusually down because of other reasons. Part of it is my depression but another part is the flashbacks of the great time of my birthday celebration with them. I remember i received long distance call from a good friend on that day. I remember they bought me my favourite chocolate mint baskin robbin ice cream. I also remember they dedicated a live happy birthday song from the live singer in the cafe. I remember we had good times.

That is why i dragged coming to today. 

I though i will never have good times anymore. I thought i will never find friends like them anymore. I thought i would never be this happy anymore. 

But, my thoughts are wrong.

God is really great. He will gives you the person you need during the times. If He thinks you do not need them, He either takes them away from you or He makes them go away. Or if He thinks that you need certain friends during the tough times, He will gives you the friends you need, maybe is not the friends you want.... But is the friends you NEED.

I am grateful for all of you who makes my 2013 birthday celebration a blast. And girl, you know who are you. I want to say thank you for replacing my sadness with all this wonderful surprises. I am grateful because God gives me a friend like you during my tough times. I am grateful because you work hard to arrange this celebration birthday for me.... I am happy because you take away my tears with all these laughters with all of them.

I love the surprises you guys gave to me on my birthday despite i thought no one remember my birthday...

I love the cake so much despite you guys have an ugly penis on it.... 

I love the egg white despite i smell like an rotten egg at end of it....

I love the cake on my face despite i know i look ugly in picture in it...

i love the way you guys teased me for being sad because you guys thought i am upset cause there is no celebration for me despite you guys were holding so much excitement to throw the egg on me...

I love the laughter despite i feel like i want to cry during that time.

i love the birthday song you guys sang to me despite i feel is cheesy....

I love the booze you guys gave me that day despite i vomit like shit that day....

I love the companions from you guys despite the friendship we have is short period...

I love the friendship between us....

And i love my birthday celebration because of you guys. Is not because of what you guys gave me and did to me. Is because of the thought of me as your friend and colleagues. And because of that, you guys put so much effort in it. I really can feel my sense of belonging and sense of loving you guys as my friends.

I appreciate what you guys gave to me. Forever, i will hold on to this friendship as long as you allowed and also God permitted.....

Thank you, my friends.... 

I know i will be sad because i am leaving you guys soon. Leaving you guys for Saudi Arabia is my biggest regret because you guys are such a good companion and friend in my life. Your presence is very important in my road of recovery from depression. Although you guys do not know about it, but when you guys involve me in your life, you guys extend your hands to lead me and pull me back from being depressed. By just including me in your life, you guys are already my healers and saviours....

I am going to miss everyone of you.....

Friendship…..

Friendship is one of the most important elements of a happy life - but it can be tough to make new friends and tougher to maintain a true friendship.

The myth of the BFF can be tough to live up to. In Friends, you can see how supportive these 6 people with different characters, unrealistically maintain a long lasting friendships. But in reality, the myth is still a myth. Close friendships that crumble is very painful to watch even on-screen because it is so familiar for all of us. 

My close friends and I had been friends a year plus, and then, one fine day, nothing. I succumbed into big 'D'. On bad days, I turned quiet and isolated myself. On good days, i am ready to be connected but i shy away because i know these people will stopped returning my calls and messages. Although, deep down, i hope they won't give up on me. I hope they can continue be my source of inspiration just like those days. I hope we can still be continue be friends despite me not being myself. But in reality, months passed and i know my close friends had stopped being my close friends. Had, in fact, stop being my friend altogether. And the only reason i know is me being in big 'D'. 

Out of sudden, there was this silence…..