Home is not Like Home Anymore...

I came home. And as usual, she is lying on the couch again. I looked at the table, used plates and cups scattered on the table.

Today is already 4th day she did nothing again... She refused to get up again from bed again....

And this sight breaks my heart.

I spoke to brother...

 He said ' Just scold her, tell people nobody will understand, keep to ourself, we will suffer, might as well just scold her'

Brother is right..... No matter how much you tell anybody, nobody will understand what we are going through.

Spoke to her again today but I did not get any response from her. I guess it doesn't matter to her....

Today's mood : Depressed to max...

Close yet Strangers.....

I know she is trying her best to bond with me.

She asked me out for movie but I declined.

She asked me out for shopping for her shoes but I declined.

As medical staff who read about bipolar, I understand about her condition and also the manifestation of the disorder. I know she is having difficult time to control her mood and herself.

I am tired. I am depressed. I am disappointed.

I am tired to be the support for her.

I am depressed and I lost my bubbly self.

I am disappointed with myself because I allowed myself to be depressed.

But at the same time, I feel guilty because I have to show her I am tired to support her anymore.

I know I am asking for too much.

I want her to be better but I cannot give her what she wants.

I know she always wants us to be close but I cannot.

Is very difficult to tell her and my parents that currently I am having my own issues to settle. And I am hanging on to it. I also have to depend on my friends for emotional support to climb up back.

As much as she is affecting me, I believe I'm affecting her as well. Thus, I called it even.

Part 3 - Nightmare repeating.... repeating... repeating....

The girl returned to concrete jungle. But she forgot that she will turn into bitter girl again once she steps her foot into the house. She forgot but she always knew that she and her sister cannot stay in the same house together. She forgot she will turn weak if she ever stays with her sister in the same house.

She forgot everything till recently.

The girl returned home.

She worked with a torturous empress, who scolded her every other day till the empress found that after all this girl did not deserve the scolding anymore.

Everyday she returned home and looked at the four wall.

She hated her workplace.

She did not perform her best at what she does the best as movement doctor.

She was bored and clueless.

She lost her best companion to old age.

She lost her sense of direction.

Day after day, the girl not only losing herself, she also sees her sister losing herself too.

Back in rainforest, she only listened to brother's voice of disappointment over her sister. But, now that she is back home, the girl witnessed the sister's antic. The girl experienced disappointment too. Now that she is at home, she sees how her sister turns into different person everyday. Everyday, she sees her dad walks upstairs, knocks her sister's room and asked her sister to take her medication.

Once upon a time, her sister was someone who were smart, well-loved by everybody, went to expensive school, worked in expensive country and had high pay job.

Part 2 - As time passes....

Time heals the wound, at least for temporary moment.

The girl's sister was in expensive country. Everybody is proud of her sister and amazed cause her sister was working in expensive country. But the girl was nobody because the girl had nothing.

However, the girl moved on. She found herself an opportunity to study with support from her dirty kingdom. Although her kingdom is a dirty kingdom, at least she got her free education. The girl enjoyed her free education, she met many good friends as well as many good enemies who taught her many valuable lessons.

The girl've learned no matter how close a person with another person, the another person will still backstab you by bad mouthing you when you were asleep, at least the another person thought you are asleep.

The girl've learned 'real' friend was a person who spread bad rumors about you at the same time consoled you because you were down because of the rumor.

The girl've learned the whole class will boikot you because you were close with the teachers

The girl've learned not to be so blur because it was too late to know the thruth after 5 years the in incident happened because there was nothing you can do anymore.

But the most valuable lesson she learnt during her free education is true and sincere friend will be there for you no matter what you become and where you end up and always know how to handle your moodiness. She met 'cat city' girl.

One fine day, the girl's sister caught a bug. And her sister was not well in expensive country. The bug changed her sister into another person. On and off, her sister will turn different person.